Before entering into an agreement with us, please read our terms and policy documents carefully. You will, for obvious reasons, not consult on this with your attorneys or advisors. This document is printed on flash paper. Handle with care. Incinerate upon completion.
The party/client is hereby referred to as ‘you’ unless specified. We are referred hereby as ‘we’ unless specified.
1. You agree that you are the sole recipient of this document. These words are meant for your eyes only, or eye, for that matter. By agreeing to Clause 1, you hereby realize that we shall be well aware of a second entity perusing this document. In such cases, the client understands that we are to be indemnified for cancellation of business, up as per our current rates plus taxes, as per your country’s laws.
2. The client understands that you do not have access to our contact details unless you are someone very important, and in immediate, unpreventable danger. We are not your regular attorneys, henchmen- or the people you call to clean up everytime you make a mess. Once we are there, and you do not have a satisfactory cause for inviting our attention, we are gone. You would be on our watchlist, and will have to indemnify us under our current rates plus taxes, as per your country’s laws.
3. The client realizes that we are capable of solving any and all of your problems, regardless of the nature of such problems. We will do it within the stipulated time at the time of the first contractual payment. You will need not pay us anything in between unless specified, until the work in completed, and the time when we collect our last payment(s). Any issues related to payments can be referred to our H-Team Clientele Support. As intimidating they might sound, we always employ the best professionals. Expect reasonable solution within four business hours.
4. Any motive(s) detected to evade compensation towards the firm for its service(s) will be dealt in/out as per our assessment of the situation. There is a percentage that will be compounded for every issue(s) raised by you and will be collected with the final payment(s).
5. The client understands that after our relationship is concluded, we will perform a short conditional psychological counselling with the client (or family, wherever applicable) where you (and others) will be counseled on further procedures and intimated on all necessary bylaws. The client also agrees to be subject to a minor processing session after the counselling in order to filter our organization secrets from your memories, or any existing records, as per our bylaws. You are also giving us the rights to search your premises, your safes, lockers and properties on/offshore to detect any traces of our company and efface them without prior intimation to the client.
6. Moral hazards rising of/during our relationship is strictly not within company policies. Your issues will be directed to the H-Squad Clientele Support and assessed, and dealt in/out accordingly, based on a percentage that will compound with your final payment(s).
7. You will be provided with a relationship executive at all times who will have access to your meetings, acquaintances, emails, calls and public pay-phones you might use, for security/professional/confidentiality purposes.
8. The client agrees to let the firm place you under surveillance once your contract is in force and active. This surveillance will remain undisclosed to the client for the safety of the client and client’s family.
9. The firm attaches strict norms on conducting repeated business. One client can avail our services for one time only. A second request will be subject to our strict assessment, and will cost you an additional percentage, and will be dealt in/out accordingly by our H-Squad Clientele Support as per our report.
10. For your safety, you will understand that we are watching you now. Any attempt of evasion or otherwise, is futile, and is a waste of our man power, and your precious time, and safety; and will cost you a penal percentage plus taxes according to your country’s laws. However, we strictly advice against any such adventures.
11. The client understands that special package rates are applicable on disappearance requests, including taxes of countries where you are shifting to.
If you agree to all our terms and conditions, sit tight. Our relationship executive will contact you shortly. Negotiations of any nature on tweaking our terms or conditions is neither encouraged nor within your purview. If you find yourself uncomfortable with our conditions, you can incinerate the paper and our surveillance will be removed, with an applicable charge, and counseling sessions, if required; the charges of which shall be borne by the client, subject to taxes as per your local laws.
We look forward to your patronage.